How to grow through hurt and failure…
1. OWN IT
The first step is to cut the bull and stop making excuses. We own it 100%! We stop the excuses and the image management. We embrace humility and we get a clear understanding of our contribution to the failure. However, this step does not involve self hatred or victimhood. This doesn’t give us permission to be Mr. Sack Cloth and Ashes. This is a proactive step of courage. Without owning it completely we can never move forward in true health. You can’t fix what you don’t admit is broken.
2. AMEND IT
Step 2 involves us finding ways to fix what we broke. With integrity we make every attempt to right the wrong. Not all things can be fixed but making amends is critical. Step 2 not only impacts current circumstances but more importantly sets the stage for our future endeavors. Often we confuse amends with punishment. Making amends is NOT about adding to the destruction, additional pain, hurt, or suffering. It is about the reconstruction of a second chance. It takes a lot more energy to carry pain around than it does to let it go.
3. REINVENT IT
Let me shoot straight. I believe we waste pain all the time. The PHD we earned in the valley is rarely put to good use. Too many of us lack the strategic imagination for our life and how we can leverage our failure for something greater. If our lives, relationships, leadership roles, priorities, and work look exactly like it did before our fall, then we have wasted one of the greatest life opportunities we will ever experience. We need to reinvent our world, not just repeat it and fill it with the same opportunities we had before. A hurt is never wasted. Hurts become tools that leverage us for a better future.